Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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