so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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