how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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