Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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