well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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