I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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