She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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