the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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