I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
