remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
