oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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