I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
