I'm sorry my penis didn't work
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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