i just had sex bonerless
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
