Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
