Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
