Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
