I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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