My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
