All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
