Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
