I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
