My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
