He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
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