I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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