No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
