I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Pooping to opera.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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