Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
