Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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