my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
