I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Oh god it's open bar.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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