She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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