i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
