Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
