Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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