WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
