Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
