i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
