Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
