And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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