she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I love having hate sex.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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