I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
