All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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