Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
