Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
