I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
