I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
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