Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
