Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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