Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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