i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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