Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
